JL Cin Sha'mer & Indi Hawk | "Eve of Destruction" (Part 1)

Posted on 241708.27 @ 3:05am by Rear Admiral Indi Hawk

Mission: Non-Plot Log

<< You should feel free to skip the log below. It has absolutely no plot importance. It's something which wrote itself outside of all the rest. >>

Sha'mer sat outside, on one of the benches in the park. The bad leg stuck out awkwardly, but she'd pulled the good one up, wrapped her arms around it and rested her head on one arm. She stared at what remained of the tree: the explosion had blasted most of it away, only a jagged stump of less than half a meter remained. Some wood splinters and a bunch of leaves were strewn around, the rest had simply disappeared.

How does it feel to burn your bridges? No, that was no outside thought, just one coming from within. There were no active links leading out: the one with Ra'lin was as weak and dormant as ever (which was a good thing, given what just happened), the oldest one was so faint it was practically gone. The one with Indi she'd closed quite thorougly – closed, but not broken. Not for lack of trying, that knowledge rose suddenly from one of those holes. Stars know they've tried, over and over again-

How did it feel? Empty. The crash which began in Spacedock had ended here, and she had come to rest at last.

Indi was looking at Sha'mer from across the park. Her meeting was Dani had just ended. She'd finished her coke and sent Dani on her way. The conversation was still lingering in her mind. Just what the hell was she doing here? What were any of them doing here? As she was making her way back to her room, she'd noticed Cin sitting near the tree she'd effectively destroyed. Better the tree than her mind, but still. That her wife was capable of such a destructive force, especially with what she'd picked up from her while she was asleep, it worried her. It terrified her. She was now officially afraid of her own wife.

With a sigh, she closed her eyes and gulped down the nausea that was one again rising in her throat. The fear overwhelmed her as she sagged back against one of the trees that made the park so beautiful.

"So am I." The words were floating towards Indi on the breeze. Normally, people wouldn't have been able to hear them from this distance, but Sha'mer knew that Indi's hearing was exceptionally sharp. A good thing. The last thing she wanted right now was to open that link. Indi wanted her out, and that was even before-

So, maybe one last conversation then. It was one more than Sha'mer expected. Or maybe there would be no conversation at all. It wouldn't surprise her if Indi did walk away right now. If the situation was reversed, would she? "I didn't even know I could-"

Sha'mer didn't sound terrified, though, despite her words.

There was something very self destructive going on in Indi's mind. She only barely registered it herself. It had started years before, but had only come to life when Frank had arrested her. Without so much as a warning to herself, or to Sha'mer, she pushed her mind to open up the link again. Why the hell not? Why the hell would she run away? She'd always been a fighter. Would be a fighter until the bitter end. If that end was meant to come today, so be it. Well? Where are you now? Go on, destroy me! DESTROY ME! she sent sharply.

Sha'mer looked up, face expressioness, the normally vivacious eyes flat, dead. "No."

Why not? Indi asked, genuinely confused. She was still leaning against the tree. Slowly opening her eyes a bit, she glanced over to where Cin was sitting.

"If I wanted to kill you, I would have done so and the Admiral would have to redecorate." Sha'mer resumed staring at the tree.

Indi pushed herself off from the tree, and walked in a straight line to Cin. If you would have asked her afterwards, she wouldn't have been able to tell you what made her do so. Glancing down at the other woman, once arrived near the exploded tree, she crossed her arms. "You have to destroy me. You *have* to! We'll never be the same again. I'll never be the same again. I never came back. YOU HAVE TO!" she stated, no longer caring if everyone in the park could hear her.

Dead eyes. Dead. Fixed on Indi for a moment, then looked away again. "There's blood enough on my hands already." How much? No idea, but it was enough. More than enough. This tree stump was already- Black hole moment. Sha'mer fell silent again.

Indi reached over and grabbed Cin by the shoulders. Hard. "Is that why you wanted to blow my head off? Is that why?! IS THAT WHY?" she bellowed.

"I didn't want to." Sha'mer made no move to ward Indi off. "It was all I could do to stop it, because I didn't want to." She looked deliberately from Indi to the tree and back. "Something set me off. Something activated it. I managed to deflect it." A shrug. "If I hadn't done it in time, an interior decorator would also have to be hired."

She couldn't help herself. Indi shook Cin back and forth quite roughly a couple of times. "You can't do this to me! You spill through the link, you forget what happened, and you leave me hanging here! Where were you all those years? I needed you! Where were you? Where were you?!"

"I wish I knew." Sha'mer sighed. "I wish I know. They've done something to me. And I don't even know who 'they' are. You even know more about that than I do. That Admiral, too. She mentioned a name. I already forgot which. All I know is, that name terrified me. And I don't know why." For the briefest of moments, she glanced at Indi, and instead of dead her eyes were like two black holes. "My mind is full of holes, and I've fallen in them."

"Stop making excuses!" Indi shouted. People in the park were watching by now. Then again, it was a Starfleet Admiral yelling to some other woman. They weren't about to interfere in the midst of a Starfleet campus. "You can do whatever you want with your mind! Fix those holes and get yourself out of them! Stay out of my head! Stay out of m-"

"I closed it." Sha'mer looked away again. "I cannot break the link. Nor could they. But I can keep it closed." You broke it open… "I will not enter your head. If you wish, I'll wear blockers again." The imprints of previous ones were still visible, after years of almost permanent wear.

Indi didn't bother replying out loud. She wasn't half the telepath Sha'mer was. She wasn't a telepath at all. But still, a strong willed person could do great things. Terrifying things. Show me what's inside. Let it go. Show me. Sleep or stay awake. But show me. You have to show me. she sent, begged, shouted. Meanwhile, she was still holding on to Sha'mers shoulders, squeezing more and more tightly without consciously realising it, her grip cramping by the sheer force she was putting into it.

Sha'mer never noticed. Oh, later she would notice the bruises, later they would hurt, but what was a little physical pain? No more than she was already used to. It had become a part of her a long time ago.

Then look. Not within Indi's mind, no. But Sha'mer opened the link, opened it wide enough to allow Indi to come inside, to see…

The equivalent of a no mans land between two front lines. A city after an atomic bomb. A star getting sucked into a black hole. A mind full of holes, occasionally spewing up images or memories if triggered, only to have them sucked back immediately. What memories of those last years? Haphazard images, seeing people walk by without feeling them, wearing blockers so half the normal perceptions are gone, only to be dragged out once in awhile to perform a task, kept as prisoner the rest of the time, and experiments where pain was no longer an old friend but a place from which there was no escape, bomb craters in her mind not filled with water and rotting corpses but with something which made that warm and friendly by comparison.

"Now you know." It was almost a sigh. "Now you know…"

Indi stepped through. Looked around. Poked around. She saw what Sha'mer could allow her to see. She prodded deeper, farther. Lashing out with her own mind, breaking barriers Sha'mer didn't know herself. Didn't know she was having. Holes, craters, supposed to be left alone. Indi tore them apart. She wanted to see. She needed to see. The onslaught of the night before started up again. The harder she pushed her own mind to tear at the holes, the fiercer the images became. They were tearing her up, shredding her to pieces. And yet she didn't stop.

Sha'mer was a bystander in her own mind. Her upper arms bruised and nearly bleeding from the force of Indi's fingers digging into them.

Just a bit more. Just some more. Almost there. Indi's nose started to bleed as the images made their way into her mind, taking away the last of the boundaries she'd set for herself. Memories, long buried, made their way to the surface again and tormented her. Then, and only then, did she try to stop it. To stop them. But she couldn't. Stars, she couldn't.

And with the last of her remaining will, Sha'mer slammed Indi's mind back into her own body, using so much force that this time it was Indi who physically staggered back. The link closed again, with an almost audible snap, the equivalent of vault doors closing and locking. No amount of persuasion could open those doors, not even the other owner of the link.

For one moment, the dark eyes flashed. "Never. Do. That. Again." Then even that flash disappeared. The mind underneath became a steel ball, a smooth mirror, reflecting everything back – inside, and out. Sha'mer gathered the crutches and began to pull herself up.

Indi took another step back to stop herself. She didn't notice the blood seeping down her lip. Didn't notice the bruises on Cin's arms. She was focused solely on the images. On the consequences. On the causes. On everything but reality. Everything was better than reality. She reached forward once again, stopping Sha'mer in her tracks. Laying her hands on both sides of Cin's face, right where the blockers had been, she kept them both in place. Sha'mer was no physical match for her. She knew it. Of course she knew it. Only the images. She needed more images. Needed more memories. Needed more. "Give me more!" she demanded, frustrated at the steel ball that answered her attempts to reenter the link.

Pushed out of balance, Sha'mer fell back on the bench. But the steel ball never changed, the vault remained closed. She saw Indi, felt her push, but Sha'mer was detached, cut off from herself, inside the steel fortress. Almost mildly she reached up to touch Indi's hands.

Indi was focused on the evil only. Addicted to it. Seduced by it. She let out a sound akin to a growl and slapped Cin across the cheek, ignoring the hands that were sneaking up to meet hers. The steel ball remained. Again a slap across the cheek. Again. A steel ball. Again. Again! Always that steel ball.

A hand closed around Indi's wrist, gripped tight. "Find another way to self-destruct," Sha'mer said, in a mild, detached voice. A near total disconnect of body and mind. Her cheek glowed red, but she was not aware of it. Holding on to the wrist, Sha'mer used one of the crutches to haul herself up, then pushed Indi away and made a grab for the second one.

It wasn't about self destruction. It wasn't even about Sha'mer. It was about the power of evil. The ability to lose yourself in it. Trust it and yet be betrayed by it. A fragile mind was an easy target. Indi's mind pushed on, kept lashing out against the steel ball. Being blocked each time. Trying again time and again. A small opening, gone again before her mind realised it was there. Her breathing came in hard gasps as her mind tired. She didn't feel it. Didn't bother to keep Cin's hand from holding her wrist. With one swift motion, she swept the other woman's legs away from under her and landed on top of her. As Sha'mer was laying helplessly on the ground, Indi put a hand on her chest, holding it, continuing the onslaught on the woman's mind.

There was a flash of pain when she went down, a dark red flash that danced across the surface of the steel ball which surrounded het mind, sending echoes both inwards and out. "Are you going to kill me?" Still in that same mild voice. Clinical interest.

Kill? Killing meant no more images. No more voices, thoughts and memories to feed on. No more force to be drawn from it. Of course she wasn't going to kill. A red flash, surrounding the steel ball. Progress. Blood started to pour more freely from Indi's nose as she intensified the jackhammering on Sha'mers mind. She had to get in. Had to get in. Had to get in. Nothing else was important. The entire universe was encompassed by that fall. She had to get in. Her hand didn't move, her body didn't move. Both frozen outside, Indi hammering away on the inside.

“Killing yourself isn't the answer either." Sha'mers voice began to sound muffled. But a part of the steel shield reached out, wrapped itself around Indi's mind and held it at bay. "I said, no more. I will not allow you to use me to self destruct."

No! Indi's mind wasn't to be contained. Wasn't to be deprived of the images that were held in Sha'mers mind. She lashed out, only to have her last blow redirected back to her, resonated and enhanced by the shield that now stretched all around her own mind. Containing it, isolating it. Making it a victim of its own assault.

Intention to self destruct or not, intention to keep her from self destructing or not, Indi collapsed next to Cin the grass. Unconscious, profusely bleeding out of nose and ears.

Sha'mer lifted one hand, slowly, lazily, noted with some curiosity that it didn't quite want to obey. She touched Indi's comm badge. The words flowed out easily now that the pressure on her chest had lifted. "Admiral Sha'mer to medical. Lock on to the wearer of this comm badge for direct transport. Medical emergency." And she watched, still with a complete lack of emotion, as the transporter beam surrounded Indi's body and whisked her away.

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by Cintia Sha'mer & Indi Hawk